Kes ma olen? – Intuitiiv-visuaalne tervendav maailm

My name is Eva. I am from Estonia.

I dare say that there aren’t many people who know much more about me than simply my name. To use purely material terms to try and describe me, I may not get very far - for it is towards deep insights into one’s own soul and creativity that I’m drawn to.

As a kid, I loved to draw. I was no Michelangelo or da Vinci by far but I had my distinct style already at that early age - a doodle horse, drawn on a bathroom wall with a pen, was recognized unmistakably as mine by my parents. The horse is probably painted over a hundred times by now, but in autumn 2020, I happened across another one of my “chedeuvres” - the door of the room I had shared with my sister as a child was still covered with my painting of a portal to a Mediterranean dreamworld, to drive off the grey mundane colours of everyday. I had all but forgotten about that "mural" but seeing this now, over 20 years later, I was pleasantly surprised - I thought it to be quite good for a 14-year old!

The weird thing is - although I remember taking a photo of it when I saw it, I cannot find it for the life of me...?

However, I did fulfil my childhood dream (or, according to some, a crazed insanity) of horseriding and working with horses. Not exactly on a professional level, as I was not confident enough to do any real showjumping or cross country competitions, but I was happy with the result, until I felt it was time for a change.

One of my absolute favourites, Arthur, a former *steeplechaser*. The height (from withers) of this magnificent animal was equal to the top of my head, and galloping on him over the vast fields was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.

Why then did I never go to art school? It was my dream to study architecture, after high school. The answer - fear. Doubting myself. The words of people around me. Lousy results in my math's final exam. No trust in myself. “You can’t make it.” “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not able to.” “I have no talent.” (It may be worth pointing out that, just as I write this, the word “architecture” got mentioned out of the blue on the radio, twice - synchronicity is my everyday :) And here comes the third - perhaps it’s time to start working on my old dreams again?)

I am glad to notice, however, that people’s awareness is on the rise nowadays, and these kinds of fears are no longer a silent normalcy - they are being addressed, acknowledged, solutions are being found. I feel this being, at least in part, also my mission - to understand through my own experience, what is it that stops people going for and fulfilling their dreams?

I am just at the beginning of my new journey. I lost any wish/need to do so-called “normal work” already a few years ago, and wanting to help people is what led me to learning reiki - I believe in energy and the power of intention, and our innate abilities to heal ourselves. In 2019, stepping onto a plane two days before my birthday to go long-term travelling, I had only two definite goals - to visit Japan and to learn reiki. (Actually, there was a third one too but I’ll leave this to myself ;))

Without fears. Trusting.

I ended up receiving my I-III level reiki (Usui Shiki Ryoho) certificates on a gorgeous Thai island, learning from a great teacher (Arati Healing Center) but I did have the fortune to visit the birthplace of reiki (as we know it) in Japan - Kurama-dera temple. This visit will hopefully (soon) find its way to my Asian travel blog.

I AM

I am mirror. In me, you will see everything that is present in you, no matter how deep inside. Glaring.

I am life and transformation.

Doing things my way.

I am artist without papers and certified reiki artist.

Healer and healed. Creativity and authenticity.

I am contemplator and truthseeker.

I’m stubbornness.

I’m a mediocre academic and a better feeler.

Imagination traveler and soul explorer.

A walker, wayfarer, stroller.

I’m one who picks up seashells and rocks, smells the flowers and listens to birds.

I walk the middle path and AM the creator of balance.

Does “have learned” mean “I know”?

I have learned breathing, trusting, and standing still.

Also moving on, letting go, and speaking the truth; looking inside me and finding freedom from addictions.

I have learned to trust oneself. I know how to die and be born again, saying goodbye to a thousand previous versions of me.

I have practiced observance and insight.

I have learned to hear my heart’s voice.

I am still learning to dream again…

...and actually all of the above.